This Is Where It Gets Hard: Weight Gain And Where Do I Go From Here

I feel like it was just yesterday I posed in my slimming bod for a photo in my gym locker room. I was super stoked about my progress particularly my mid section. 

All I can say is… . #Progress #BrownFitMama

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Full disclosure; I never had a “flat” stomach and the hanging skin never went away it was just the over all appearance of my stomach had began looking much better as I hit 2017. I was just sporting a crop top at a party in March. 

What has begun to happen is a variety of weight gain in fat, muscle and body fat percentage. I am appearing the way I did a year ago as I hadn’t made any progress at all. 

This all happened quickly in a matter of months. I shot up 15lbs to 192 after being at 177lbs with a total of a 50lb weight loss. My body fat went from 31 to 35 and my skeletal  muscle mass (the good number) went from 65 to 69. 

If all these numbers are going over your head basically I am gaining fat and muscle at the same time. This combination has made my waste wider and my stomach larger which of course I hate. My butt and thighs are bigger but I don’t take much issues with that. 

I feel like I am back to square one but I have to remind myself of the distance I have come thus far and all hope is not lost. Already I am back down to 183 but in September of 2016 I went from 181 to 178. 

I keep telling myself it’s not that much further and the take things one day at a time. I had to take a step back and evaluate everything happening in order to proceed. 

I have 3 major problems that are able to be fixed but it has contributed to where I am now. Hypothyroidism, Adrenal Fatigue and Depression.  

This is a lethal combination which sent me on crazy food and alcohol binges. I desire sweets and salty foods and things I wouldn’t imagine eating. Quite frankly my depression was happy about all comfort food and drinking till I passed out to numb the pain. 

When my jeans started getting tighter my conscience began to peek through. I paired with my doctor who put me on Lexipro to help with the depression side of things. I stopped my binging but then another problem began, weight gain side effects of the medicine. So back to the doctor I went and he switched me to a different medicine and ran my labs. The next day he called and said looks like you have hypothyroidism but let’s test you again in a month. 

I knew losing more weight would be even more difficult. My hormones are raging, I have brain fog, fatigue, stomach pain and migraines nearly everyday. The changes I need to make will be a new process for me. 

This change requires starting over and stripping my diet to see which foods are not agreeing with my system. My goal is carve out two weeks and be gluten, dairy, meat and alcohol free. I just joined a new gym and met with a potential trainer to lay out a new workout plan. 

Life isn’t slowing down so I am trying to hold onto my sanity by making changes each day that I hope will have long term benefits. It’s clear I need balance, wellness and to get centered. I need to evaluate everything I am doing and purge everything that is not beneficial to the wellbeing of myself or my son. 

Will I always be on this journey? That’s a question I ask myself all too often. Though I am reminded that in all things that I should want to see what happens if I don’t give up. 

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